SARC abusing rules

1) We are not a firework bom, though new year is comming up in 2 months, You're not supposed to cut any body off us or make a hole in us to stack up with fireworks!
2) Do not put us in a microwave, I can't stand really hot heat. (this also includes other kitchen or heating stuff, so no cutting with knifes)
3) We are not a deadly object, so don't throw us with massive speed against any other object, human, animal, female or parent
4) If you're in need of love, use your little sister or brother (if you don't have one, use the neighbours's) but do not squeeze us more then 0.028mm, we need to breath as well.
5) We're not food, incase your dog, cat, little brother or any other house animal needs food, don't feed us.
6) We demand to be clean, so don't put us in a box and put us away. We don't want to get dirty.
7) We have sexual fantasies as well, so please note that if you're taking a bath, we want to have full pleasure so that means that you aren't alllowed to use bathfoam or any stuff that covers your private parts. We need a clear view.
8.1) We are not a sextoy, don't put me in your backhole for
pleasure. Though we're are able to get in various sizes, we're not
supposed to be inside you.
8.2) We aren't good in covering all the stuff comming out of the male, so please don't make a hole in us and suspect it to work.

Note: With violation of 8.2 we're not to blame for any consequences.

Note: if you violate these rules and the SARC hears of you, there will be serious consequences.

if you have more rules, post them and I'll add them to the list.
-Rubberduck